Friday, January 15, 2010

Ah! Now we've got him!

The following is a slightly-revised version of a letter I sent to the NewsPress yesterday. I'll update this blog if/when it's published.

Update: It turns out the photo the Feds used to show an aged bin Laden wasn't of bin Laden at all, but of a Spanish official--and he's pissed off. Can this saga of the pursuit of bin Laden get any weirder?

Further update: The letter was published in the SB NewsPress on/about January 19, 2010.

To the editor:

Extra! Extra!

Using the highest-tech digital methodology, the Feds have now updated the Wanted-Dead-or-Alive photos of bin Laden to show his aging during the many years we've been hunting him. (It's been way more than a decade, folks; he's been wanted at least since 1998, for the US embassy bombings in Africa).

Well, there's no doubt now: bin Laden's days as a free man are surely numbered. Those folks in the AfPak mountains are sure to finger him for us, now that they recognize him. For years they've been uncertain about the identity of that six-foot-four Arab living amongst them with his arsenal of weapons and teams of bodyguards, some of whom may be hauling along a kidney-dialasis machine for their boss. The locals no doubt have been hesitant to claim the $25,000,000 reward because of this uncertainty. But now, with the CIA's new PhotoShop effort, the data will come streaming in and the Predator Drones will soar, their target firmly fixed.